thefailmaster

wears the grudge like a crown

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Smell a Rat update #72 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #72

Angela made sure to keep her sword pointed at his back in subtle ways for the duration of the walk into the town square, keeping close enough to him that he couldn’t easily duck away from her, but keeping at just enough distance that he couldn’t easily turn round and knock it from her grip. It was also altogether terrifying to see just how easily she managed to make sure nobody noticed that she had a sword pointed at his back to begin with. Crowe walked ahead by about five paces, so that he could get away easily, should he break free from Angela’s grip. As per usual, he was wearing an outfit just about as hideous as the last

Smell a Rat update #71 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #71

As it turned out, it was pretty easy to convince Mr Bradley to let him raid the armoury: all he’d asked of him was to make sure that Crowe ended up dead, and save for the slight implication that Floyd’s survival might be less important, he had objections to that. A couple of rats in fancy suits came out of the armoury and gave him a courteous nod as they made their way out into the rest of the building, leaving him alone with the weapons designers and the arsenal of swords, knives, axes and armour. For a fleeting second, he wondered just how far somebody could get if they got hold of some of the stuff in here and just tried to cut

Smell a Rat update #70 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #70

Floyd’s home was only a single stop away on the train, and throughout the entire journey, he fidgeted constantly, brimming with rage at the prospect of anybody having the audacity to attack Floyd in his own home - let alone somebody he should have just killed when he had the chance. He wasn’t going to be so considerate this time. As much as he wanted to just head straight to MI6 headquarters and fit himself out with just about every bit of armour he could find, Milo simply had to check his house first, incase his captors were trying to get the better of him and the meeting point was just a distraction. He screwed his fists up hard

Smell a Rat update #69 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #69

His coffee had been piping hot when he’d started deliberating over a rhyme, but now he actually came to drink it, Floyd found it had gone stone cold. It was difficult to put into words quite how he’d felt about the funeral, and as he agonised over how best to make his sentiments fit the rigid and awkward rhyme scheme he’d set himself, Floyd wondered if perhaps poetry wasn’t the best hobby for a spy. If, perhaps, he’d taken up stamp collecting or wood carving, then maybe he might have fewer late nights like this. As it was, the noise from the pub below him had finally stopped, and that meant that it was at least k

Smell a Rat update #68 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #68

Floyd never actually been to a funeral before, or at least not one like this. Back in the sleepy little community he’d grown up in, there had only been one christian family, and as far as he could remember, none of them ever seemed to die. It wasn’t that such faiths were shunned, more that the reliance on human society had brought about a sudden desire for religion amongst the very first rodent colonies, and with that came the inescapable notion that the benevolent god they should all worship was actually a human. Naturally, this hadn’t sat well with fledgeling rodent society, and having never had a use for gods before, chri

Smell a Rat update #67 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #67

“Good morning, mister Colby. How’re the wounds?” Mister Bradley’s tone was as measured and inscrutable as always, but Floyd was rather of the impression that if he had something really bad to say to him, then he would be far more direct about it, and so he relaxed a little as he sat down opposite him and nodded to indicate that he was ready for the debriefing to begin. “Fur’s covering them up pretty well and they don’t hurt much at all now; I’ll be ready for full duties again by next week.” Bradley nodded to him, then held out a paw, and Floyd obediently placed a briefcase on the table, fo

Smell a Rat update #66 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #66

Today the bandages came off. Milo looked at himself in the mirror as he took hold of the bandages on his right arm and began pulling at them systematically to remove them. It had been about two months since he’d got back from New York, but thankfully, MI6 had a very generous sick leave policy, and so he’d spent those months in just about as much comfort as he possibly could, having been sent to the hospital just about the moment he got back to the UK. Floyd had needed a spell in hospital too, but he got away with slightly less severe injuries. Since getting back, he’d been more or less unable to write his usual paperwork, an

Smell a Rat update #65 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #65

A familiar figure clambered into view from the end of the shipping container, and as soon as the figure stood up, Floyd could no longer feel secure in the knowledge that there were truly no supernatural forces at work within the world. Because beyond sorcery, he could think of no way that Maynard could possibly still be alive. He watched in complete awe, as the huge rat marched towards them, gripping the mace he’d come to associate with despair and death like the scythe of the grim reaper, and merely babbled incoherently as he held the mace aloft, just inches away from the plane’s nose engine. Finally, he managed to speak, though

Smell a Rat update #64 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #64

It was about a minute after Milo finally passed out that Floyd noticed a strange buzzing from behind him. Almost drowned out by the airport’s incessant din, he turned round to see an entirely different kind of plane coming down to land: one far more suited to his size and which he remembered from the last time he’d been in New York. A rather ugly-looking plane with three motors came down just over to the side of him, and stopped abruptly, spinning around on its left wheel so that it faced the way it had come by the time it finally stopped. The motors stopped and the door burst open to reveal Harry - still dressed in her bar staff

Smell a Rat update #63 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #63

“You’re bleeding” Floyd breathed. Milo nodded and moved himself towards the end of the bag, before another suitcase came down behind him and reduced the amount of space that he and Floyd had to themselves to less than either of them was comfortable with. He laughed weakly at Floyd’s concern and opened the zip just a tiny bit, so that some amount of fresh air could come in. “You too, sweetie.” The tiny sliver of light exposed Floyd’s concern, as well as the amount of pain he was in. Floyd was grimacing, sucking air in through his teeth to cope with the presumably agonising pain, but ultimately he was j

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Smell a Rat update #72 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #72

Smell a Rat update #71 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #71

Smell a Rat update #70 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #70

Smell a Rat update #69 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #69

Smell a Rat update #68 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #68

Smell a Rat update #67 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #67

Smell a Rat update #66 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #66

Smell a Rat update #65 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #65

Smell a Rat update #64 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #64

Smell a Rat update #63 by thefailmaster, literature

Literature

Smell a Rat update #63

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thefailmaster

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About thefailmaster

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

Oct 8
United Kingdom
Deviant for 12 years
He / Him

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My Bio

I'm a writer with a head full of ideas, a love of tech and a movie collection that's threatening to get out of hand and overwhelm my living room.

As of now, I'm the author of "Smell a Rat" a spy thriller about a rat and a dormouse who are also a gay couple, (because why not) that updates weekly and can be read here or on tumblr, so why not stick around and enjoy yourself some silly spy goodness.

feel free to browse my page at your leisure and please do take the time to leave a comment if you like any of my work, I really appreciate it. and marvel at just how awful my stuff was back then.

Favourite Visual Artist

don't really have one, there's too many

Favourite Movies

there's too many, though possibly Coraline, a clockwork orange, pulp fiction, the nice guys, the big lebowski... the list goes on.

Favourite TV Shows

Doctor Who, Top Gear, Sherlock, Life on Mars, Stranger things,

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Joe Bonamassa, Gary Moore, AC/DC, Megadeth, Metallica, Ozzy, Fairport Convention, Iron Maiden, nickelback, A7X, BFMV

Favourite Books

The Toymaker, the mysterious benedict society, northern lights, coraline, skullduggery pleasant, Pushing ice

Favourite Writers

philip pullman, Trenton Lee Stewart, Emma Kennedy, Jeremy DeQuidt, HG Wells, Philip K Dick

Favourite Games

Bioshock, uncharted, motorstorm, resistance; fall of man, L.A Noire, Trackmania Turbo, Rayman Legends,

Favourite Gaming Platform

playstation 4, obviously. PC for close second

Tools of the Trade

Libreoffice 5

Other Interests

writing, reading, playing guitar, videogames, movies

Posts

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thefailmaster

Apr 30, 2017

tiny gripe at DA

0 min read

Here's a thought, DA. I'm writing a spy thriller about rodents who go round stabbing each other and hiding from humans and whatnot. Perhaps it might be more prudent to recommend, say, James Bond fanfiction or gay romance or maybe a drama about a family of rats trying to live in a postapocalypse or something like that. I'm really not here to bash "Blank X Reader" stories - seems they're popular on here and all, but I'd very much like it if DA could put some more suitable material in the "more from DA" section, because I'm pretty sure somebody interested in Smell a Rat wouldn't be interested in "Fem!LokiXSad!Reader" stories and vice-versa. O

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thefailmaster

Apr 2, 2017

I'M BACK! WITH A NEW PROJECT!

0 min read

Alright. Let's get this over and done with. I hit a serious creative funk last year: I just had NO drive to write my own stuff, a comic/collaboration thing fell apart for the second time and I just lost all enthusiasm for my own craft. So, for the last ten months or so, I've been writing stupid fanfiction stuff all over the fringes of the internet, with none of it being anything I'd be proud to upload here (next to my dismal scribbles and crap from freakin' '11 or something! Go figure.) and even considered nuking my DA, but over the last couple of months, I started a weekly-updating project on Tumblr and not only realised that I got my mojo

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thefailmaster

Oct 7, 2015

artist wanted for webcomic

0 min read

I'm hoping to turn what I originally intended to be TV series into a webcomic. There's a small amount of concept art and some writing I did for it if anyone wants it. it's a sci-fi story that's hopefully going to be done in an episodic kind of style. I'd be interested in working with anybody but I'd prefer if any applicants had a more realistic style (more or less detailed doesn't matter much) and I'd rather avoid anime styles. Thanks for your time.